Shadow Work is a collection of songs that documents my journey back to self. It initially looks to my past, some pretty dark times and moves through these of reflection, acceptance, healing and transformation. I am releasing these songs in 2020 in order to let go of a lot of past pain and to set my intentions for the present and the future. I am making space for new blessings. Looking back and allowing myself to feel so that I can truly heal and move forward. I am changing my life experience by letting this music out into the world. I was very afraid to do so for a long time. The content in the songs is very personal and I was scared about repercussions and judgment but I have moved into my power and with the support of the wonderful people around me I feel it's an important step to take. I refuse to reside in shame any longer. Shadow Work is the difficult task we must undertake in order to be able to change our life experience... dealing with the hidden parts of ourselves that cause us issues, working through the darkness, the pain and the stored negative thought patters, the intergenerational trauma and all that no longer serves us. There is no light without the dark and this is my collection of songs that moved between these phases and beyond.
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I wrote Blue when I was coming out of the depths of depression after getting out of a 10 year abusive relationship. I had been devastated by my marriage falling apart and being left alone with my eight month old baby but it transpired that this was the best thing that could have happened to me as it was a real trigger to leading me to really deal with my own mental health issues after suffering from extreme anxiety and panic attacks as a child, growing up with addiction in my household and suffering bereavement multiple times as a young person, I had struggled. This culminated in me finding myself in a very toxic marriage repeating a lot of negative patterns but blaming everything externally and living a very codependent lifestyle. After losing my dad and having helped him cross over and then giving birth to my son at home and being introduced to self hypnosis, meditation and breathing exercises, I could for the first time feel an indication of my own power and the agency that it was possible to have in life, rather than just get swept along by it. With all this unravelling I could finally see clearly for what felt like the first time in my entire life. I understand the addiction we can have with melancholia. When you have resided in a low space for a long time and you come from a lineage of people who have suffered with depression and addictions, it can be a comfortable place to live because it feels like home. My sister's fiancé producer and mix engineer Marrik Shearer (has worked with the likes of Stormy / Mostack / Nines / Mostack Jhus / Tion Wayne / Jah Karis) has a studio near where I live in Tottenham and gifted me a studio session voucher when I got out of the relationship. I had been coerced to stop making music for 4 years whilst in the marriage and had been completely detached from my creative life-force energy. We got in the studio together and wrote the Holy Waters EP, one of the tracks that didn't quite fit with that collection of songs was Blue. At that time it was still too painful for me to include, but now a couple of years on, I have more distance and I am ready to share the story. We co-wrote Blue with my longterm collaborator and musical director Renell Shaw (Renell plays guitar for Rudimental and also has his own amazing bands including 2Fox and his jazz quartet Renell Shaw Fore). The song speaks to allowing yourself to feel the pain, allowing yourself to really live with the hurt but not getting stuck there. It is a call to using our lived experiences, our sadness and traumas to inspire something positive, to plant seeds and for new beauty and truth to grow from the ashes: "be blue for him, be blue for you, be blue for everything you thought was true, be blue for everything you thought you had, be blue for all the things that you crave so bad but make sure you use this blue for painting" - the blue is the depression, the painting using that blue is what can happen if we are able to lift ourselves out of it. "No you can't ride this grief to heaven, it will throw you down eventually, no you can't ride this grief to heaven, it will throw you down" - this is me commenting on the need to find something bigger and stronger than grief to ride, to pull ourselves out from the darkness. When life feels too much, it's not the grief or the pain that is going to take us somewhere better, we need to do that by channeling something else. There's also a little sample of my son Ché's voice in the song which reminds me of that time, when it was just the two of us and it felt like we were sailing on alone into this wonderful Blue sea, the entire world lay before us, a brand new promise of freedom and the potential to be happy and free.
credits
from Shadow Work,
released March 6, 2020
Written by Aruba Red & Renell Shaw
Vocals - Aruba Red
Guitar & Keys - Gordon Mills Jr.
Bass - Renell Shaw
Drums & production - Gordon Mills Jr.
Additional production - Renell Shaw & Marrik Shearer
Mixed & Mastered by Marrik Shearer
Alt-soul artist, mama and women’s wellness circle facilitator inspired by themes of healing and transformation. A mystical
campfire for anyone who needs to feel the warmth. ‘Shadow Work’ EP is out now
“Sensual late-night alt-soul soundtrack of reflection” – Spiral Earth
“Songs that comfort, console and give hope” – At The Barrier
“A new spirit of hope and redemption” – The Morning Star...more
Ayanna WJ's new album Roadrunner is a gorgeous blend of uplifting soul, jazz, rnb and classical. She is so talented and I guarantee her music will make you smile :) Aruba Red
Riz consistently brings intelligent, thought provoking music that makes you want to move! Check out 'Double Lives' which features yours truly. Aruba Red
